Ready for the Ride?

You've waited in line for the roller coaster. It's supposed to be the most thrilling one this side of the Mississippi, but as you near the front of the line, your excitement turns into anxiety. You see the giant rise and fall, the corkscrew turns and you can hear the screams elicited from terrified passengers. You wonder if this is really such a great idea. Even though you know that no one has ever been injured on this ride, you can't help but fall prey to your primal instincts of self-preservation.

Often, we feel fear when trying new or risky things, whether its justified or not. I am currently feeling some anxiety over starting out as a doula. It's difficult for me to believe that I am ready for my first client. There is just so much to prepare before I embark, I couldn't just start cold like this! But after reviewing what others in my position have done, it is the only way to start. I have yet to get together all of the waivers and paperwork necessary for new clients. I was supposed to sit down and start typing these things out last night, but once I sat down on the couch (for the first time all day), I just about melted into it, and there was no hope for work beyond that moment.

Even though I feel anxious about whether or not I am ready to be a doula, I also feel unparalleled excitement about it too. To think that I could start helping birthing mothers, that I can make the difference between a positive and negative birth experience, its unreal. Ever since I had my son, three years ago, I dreamed of helping other mothers find their innate power the way that I had.

I am at the front of the line. The coaster cars are zooming closer, slowing down as they approach. I've waited to go on this ride for much longer than I stood in line for it. I've made my decision, that no matter what the outcome, the ride will be worth it. As I walk toward the carts, I can feel my stomach get shaky, I'm wondering if it is going to start a mutiny within my body. As I slide into the neon orange seats that leave my legs hanging, I start to release my fear, my anxiety and my distrust in myself. My stomach returns to normal as the bar gets pulled over my head and secured with a snap and a buckle.  I hold onto the little metal handles on my harness and smile as I feel the motors start to gear up. Three....two....one... and the coaster is hurdling down the track going faster than my car. The speed and acceleration leaves me feeling euphorically thrilled.